


Only You

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (Between Derek and Kate when Derek was young), Adorable Stiles Stilinski, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Derek Hale, Bottom Derek Hale/Top Stiles Stilinski, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, First Time Bottoming, M/M, Making Love, Mentioned Kate Argent, More like dubious consent but I decided to tag it anyway, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Hatred, Top Stiles Stilinski, Warning: Kate Argent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 20:44:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7589449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek, after years of denying himself, finally trusts Stiles enough to let him have his body in the most intimate way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only You

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Self-hatred, non-con (Kate and Derek, mentioned through Derek's memories) and Kate in general. 
> 
> Please be aware that the non-con was between Derek and Kate when Derek was younger and it's only experienced through short memories, nothing too detailed. Derek blames himself for liking it even though it was technically statutory rape because of his age and the fact that Kate didn't care much about how he felt. There is a lot of self-blame going on in Derek's head, especially after the fire but Stiles is there for him. 
> 
> If any of this is triggering for you, please make sure take care of yourself and don't read if it makes you uncomfortable.

Derek wasn’t sure when he decided to let Stiles do what he had been begging for since the first time they had sex. It wasn’t exactly a conscious decision. The thought had been floating around in his head for a few months but convincing himself was the trouble. Since Kate, he had never let anyone touch him like that. Even the thought used to send repulsed shivers through his body. But something was different now, with Stiles. He felt safer in his arms, safer than anyone had ever made him feel. 

So, as they removed their clothes in a feverish fashion, overwhelmed by arousal and need, grabbing for the lube, Derek made the decision with little to no thought put into it. Instead of pining Stiles to the bed in a playful manner, he grabbed his hands to stop any further movement. Stiles froze in his lap, tilting his head in confusion. Derek could feel the press of his cock against his inner thigh, so damn enticing. He wouldn't be like Kate. Stiles wouldn't just take without asking. 

Stiles had described it to him one time after their love making. He traced a finger up and down Derek's chest and told how he imagined taking him. It would be slow, he said, slow but hard because he knew Derek like it like that. He knew the things that got him to whimper in need. His words had made Derek insanely hard again, despite the fact that he had just come and for the first time, he gave Stiles permission to touch him down there. At first, it felt good and Derek tried to surrender to the feeling but the second he closed his eyes, he saw Kate, hovering above him while she thrusted her fingers inside of him. 

_ Doesn't that feel good, sweetheart? Look at you, opening up for me like a good slut. _

Derek had been so young when he fell in love with Kate. He didn’t know it wasn’t supposed to continue to hurt like that long after she stopped touching him. He did it because Kate said if he loved her, he would. A lot of things came out of that “love” he felt for her and none of them turned out to be good. Now, he was just left like a victim to something he had signed himself up for. And when Stiles pumped his fingers in a little too roughly, Derek remembered jumping out of the bed and running into the bathroom while Stiles called after him. 

It was only after a long hour of Stiles talking to him through the door that he finally admitted what had happened between him and Kate. He thought Stiles was going to be disgusted with him for giving himself over so easily, for letting that awful bitch pound him into the mattress like he was a ragdoll. But he didn’t. No, Stiles waited until Derek unlocked the door and then let the man crawl into his lap while he told him how beautiful and brave he was. How just because she hadn’t forced herself on him, just because he liked it, didn’t mean it had been right. It didn’t mean Kate hadn’t violated him. Stiles held him in his lap, rubbing gentle circles into his back like he was the older, more wise man in this relationship. He told him that they didn’t ever have to do any of that again unless Derek explicitly said he wanted to and they never did until the very moment Derek decided to let himself. 

“What’s wrong, babe?” Stiles questioned, still rocking his hips just a little, almost subconsciously. Derek had released his hands but instead of continuing their previous endeavour, Stiles placed them on Derek’s chest and ran his fingers over the hair there absentmindedly. 

“I want-” Derek started and stopped, scared to use his words, terrified give himself this after years of denying it. He noticed that his breathing had become ragged and Stiles was giving him a concerned look. 

“Der, talk to me,” he said gently. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Of course Stiles thought it was him. He probably thought he trigger something in Derek like he had that night but that was so far from the case. 

When Derek didn’t answer immediately, Stiles shifted his weight, about to un-straddle his boyfriend’s hips. Derek let out a frantic whimper, grabbing for his hips to make sure he didn’t leave him. He needed this, right now, because there was no way to know for sure if he’d ever let himself make that decision again. Stiles was safe. He was Stiles, not Kate, not anyone who would ever hurt him. 

“Please,” Derek whispered pathetically. He sounded so damn weak and that had been what Kate loved to feed off of. “Please, Stiles.” 

Stiles shifted back again so that his hips were firmly planted once again. 

“Derek, you need to talk to me,” he insisted. “You’re freaking me out. If you don’t want this, say something, please!” 

“I want this,” Derek replied quickly. “That’s not it. I don’t know how to say it, Stiles. I can’t.” 

“You can say it, Derek. You can trust me.”

Derek wouldn’t take the look on Stiles’ face, the same hint of rejection and the smell of anxiety underneath his obvious arousal. He leaned forward, capturing Stiles’ lips with his own, needing to feel something, ground himself somewhere before he floated away. Stiles made a surprised noise but didn’t pull away. He let Derek dominate his mouth like he always did except Derek didn’t want that. He wanted to show Stiles what exactly he wanted without saying it. In order to get his message across, Derek let his mouth go slow in his approach, letting Stiles’ tongue delve deeper into his mouth with no resistance on his part. It made Derek harden in his boxers, allowing Stiles to dominate his mouth like he was. 

But then Stiles pulled away too soon and Derek groaned. 

“Is that what you want?” Stiles asked knowingly. He knew, he understood because he knew Derek. Inside and out, he knew him. “You want me to be  _ inside you _ ?” 

Derek wanted to cry out of relief but he just nodded his head instead. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Y-yes.” 

“I want you to say it,” Stiles demanded. “Not going to happen unless you say it.” 

Derek threw his head back against the pillow in frustration. He was overly hard in his boxers, something he had never been around Kate. If anything, he was only semi hard unless she touched him and then that was only because he was a teenager and he hardly had any control over his libido. 

“It’s okay to give in, Der. You’re allowed to want things.” 

_ Don’t come, Derek. You aren’t allowed to come without my permission, remember?  _

“Stiles-” 

“Just say it, baby,” Stiles encouraged. “I’ll give you what you want if you say it, okay? But you don’t need to unless you want this. I told you I’d never pressure you again, you know that.” Stiles had always been perfectly content with being a bottom, having Derek’s cock nestled inside of him but there had also always been that small desire to be able to feel Derek convulsing around him as his orgasm took over his body. 

_ You’re mine, Derek. Always mine.  _

_ No!  _ Derek screamed back at the voices.  _ I will never be yours again! Never again! You fucked up my life once, Kate but not now, not with him! _

Somehow, screaming at a memory kept Derek from exploding. It made his heart unclench and the weight removed from his chest. He’d never be Kate’s again because she was dead. She couldn’t hurt him or touch him anymore. Whatever the memories said to him were lies. They weren’t worth listening to and Derek realized that as the love of his life stared down at his, shirtless and partially flushed. Derek could give himself this, this pleasure. He could allow himself to feel Stiles inside of him for the first time because he was real and Kate was a haunted memory. She was dead and from this moment forward, she was dead to Derek as well.

“I want you inside of me, Stiles,” Derek whimpered, speaking the words for the first time. They sounded so strange leaving his lips but they also felt so damn right. “I need it, Stiles, please.” 

Stiles smiled softly. “You're completely sure?”

“Yes,” Derek said with a shutter. “I know I wasn’t sure before but I’m sure now. You trust me and I trust you. I want this for myself, Stiles and for you, so please.” 

“Okay,” Stiles replied quietly. “If I do anything and I mean absolutely anything, you stop me, yeah? I’m not her, Derek. I’ll stop no matter what.” 

“I know you’re not her,” Derek answered with a dry swallow. “You’ll stop, I trust you.” 

“I love you, Derek,” Stiles whispered close to his lips. It made Derek’s heart ache in happiness. “You're so good, so fucking good, Der. I hope you know that.”

Derek nodded, unable to find his words after Stiles’ kind words. Stiles was too good to him, sticking around after everything, after he kicked him out in a fit of anger, consumed by his self-hatred that she had instilled in him. He stuck around despite it all and he was still here, about to fuck him, about to be inside of him. 

“Okay, Der,” Stiles whispered. “Okay.” 

Derek couldn't help but smile at his nervousness since he too was anxious. It reminded him of their first time. Stiles had been so antsy, fidgeting underneath Derek after they removed their clothes. His skin was so flush, his hot cock pressed heavily between their stomachs. Derek had been nervous as hell too, scared he was going to hurt him. He wasn’t cocky but Stiles was a virgin and if he didn’t prep him enough, it wasn’t going to be at all comfortable for him. ‘

But now, the worry was that Stiles wasn’t going to fit because Derek had seen his cock and to say the least, he was well-endowed. The most Derek had ever taken back there was a strapon and even then, it was a few years ago. He wasn’t just going to be open for the taking just because he wanted to be.

“I’m going to take care of you. I promise, Der. Thank you for trusting me. Fuck, it means so much that you’re trusting me like this.” 

“Only you,” Derek murmured into Stiles’ skin. He meant it. Only Stiles was ever going to make him feel this way. He couldn’t ever imagine trusting someone as much as he did Stiles. It took years, years of knowing him in high school, falling in love with him once they went to college and now, after all of those years, there was an unbreakable trust. Stiles would never hurt him. He cared too much to hurt anyone, especially Derek. 

“Stiles,” he said sweetly. “Please?” 

Stiles almost laughed and nodded. He slipped off of Derek’s lap, breaking contact for only a small amount of time while they both shrugged off their boxers so that they could touch each other with no barriers. Derek gasped when Stiles slid between his legs, pressing them together softly. It was no different than how they always started but the end result was going to be different and it exhilarated Derek. It was a good feeling. 

Stiles kissed him deeply until Derek felt like he was never going to be able to breathe again. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to anyway. If kissing Stiles killed him, that was the way he wanted to go. 

“Lemme prep you,” Stiles slurred, pulling away from his lips. Derek was dazed, feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen. All he could do was nod his head in a sharp movement to tell Stiles that he was ready. He willed his body to release any tension left. He wanted the quiet burn that came with something foreign entering his body, mainly because it kept him rooted to the now but he didn’t want the pain he experienced before. That was a different kind of pain, one he wasn’t terribly fond of. 

“Lift your hips,” Stiles instructed running a hand over Derek’s leg while the other grabbed a pillow and adjusted it underneath him when he lifted like Stiles ordered. He bent his legs at the knee so that his ass was elevated for Stiles. He stared at him like it was the first time he had ever seen him naked. The look made Derek blush like a teenage boy. “Jesus, Der. You’re so beautiful.” 

Derek had never been one to accept compliments easily. He never felt like he was anything more than a worthless boy who killed his family. When he met Stiles, the boy showered him in compliments, undeserved ones, untrue ones but they all sounded real coming from him. 

“I know you don’t believe it,” Stiles started, running his fingers over Derek’s well defined abs, “but you mean so much to me. You always have and this is a moment I will never forget, just like our first time.” 

Derek was trembling under his touch. 

“I remember the first time your fingers slipped inside of me.” Stiles’ index finger slid inside of Derek’s hole, surprising him but not hurting him. He had lubed it up well enough that it just slipped in. Derek still moaned and tensed briefly. He focused in on Stiles’ voice. “You were so gentle, only ever giving me what I could take. I cried out when two fingers replaced the one. The burn was so strange but I liked it.” His finger thrusted in although not too sharply, like he learned from their previous experience. Derek clenched around it as a burst of small, unfamiliar pleasure washed over him.

Stiles brushed his thumb over Derek’s nipple, catching his wavering attention. Derek blinked at him as his finger froze inside. 

“Gotta relax,” Stiles murmured, leaning down to kiss Derek's stomach. It caused him to relax a little more, enough so that Stiles began to move his finger again. 

“Keep talking,” Derek whined in an attempt to keep his mind where it was. “Stiles, keep-” 

“I'm right here,” he comforted, slowly adding a second finger. “Don't worry, Derbear. I'm not going anywhere.” 

It amazed Derek how much Stiles matured in recent years. When they first began dating, he was so awkward and gangly, constantly tripping over himself around Derek. Then, he just bloomed and although he was still the same sarcastic Stiles, he became so much more. He grew into his body, filling it with lean muscles and more adorable moles all over the place. Seeing him naked after that was like a gift from heaven. He was gorgeous before, however, there was something different afterward. Derek saw it in the way they fucked each other. There was a confidence that exploded inside of him. 

His own thoughts had distracted him enough so that he hardly noticed Stiles adding in a third fingers and extra lube to make the slid easier. Stiles was still murmuring as Derek requested, telling him how amazing he looked like this. Derek's breath hitched, a combination of Stiles brushing over his prostate and the words tumbling out of his mouth. He was slowly surrendering, able to close his eyes and only see Stiles. 

“Stiles,” he struggled, canting his hips a bit to get the fingers to press up against his prostate again. He could see Stiles smirk, knowing he loved to watch him come apart underneath him. Derek couldn't blame him; he loved experiencing it too. 

“I've got you, sweetheart,” Stiles muttered and quietly grabbed from Derek's red, angry looking cock. But Derek had gone tense, more tense than before and Stiles took notice. He was quick to realize what he had said. “Shit, Der. I'm sorry, I didn't mean-” 

Derek shook his head. It was just a word, a term of endearment. He was allowed to like it coming from Stiles. It was supposed to send small shivers through him. Nothing was wrong with liking it now, liking the way his fingers wrapped around his cock, because he wasn't her. He liked it and Stiles was Stiles.

“Don't stop,” Derek growled out a little too gruffly for his liking, however, Stiles hardly took noticed, he just gave Derek what he wanted, exactly what he needed. 

Between the fingers and the pumping hand, it took Derek a few minutes to have a clear enough mind to realize he didn't want to come like this. He wanted to feel his walls tighten around Stiles’ cock and milk him dry inside of him. He wanted to come completely untouched, just with Stiles furiously fucking him. 

That thought caused a whine to escape his lips and for Stiles’ fingers to go a little slower, pulling all his pleasure out into a long, dragged out wave. He felt Stiles scissoring three fingers, gently tapping against his inner walls.

“Please, fuck me,” Derek whimpered, far too close to the edge. If Stiles kept going, he was surely going to lose his shit. “Get inside of me, Stiles. I need you. I'm ready.” 

Derek was never one to beg, that was usually reserved for Stiles but he was prepared to beg for this. Stiles would never hold that against him; he knew that. 

Stiles did withdraw, leaving Derek feeling wet and open and accidentally whimpering at the loss. He expected Stiles to replace the emptiness with his cock but he didn't move and Derek was getting desperate. 

And then he said, “No,” so simply that Derek didn't know if he heard him correctly. He heart kind of sunk and he trembled slightly in pathetic want. 

“I don't want to fuck you, Der,” Stiles responded.

“Why not?” he sounded like he was on the verge of crying instead of on the edge of coming. He turned his face away from Stiles, ashamed of the pitiful expression he possessed. No wonder Kate always made fun of him when he got emotional. He was supposed to be this big, broody werewolf that had no emotions and yet, he was almost crying because the man he loved was turning him down. 

Stiles didn’t let him keep his head pressed into the pillow for very long. His fingers hooked under his chin and dragged his face back so that he could look him in the eye. Of all the intimate things they had ever done, staring into Stiles’ amber eyes always felt like the most intimate of those. It made Derek feel so vulnerable and open and in that moment, Derek was both physically and mentally open to him. 

“Look at me, Derek,” he demanded when Derek refused to actually meet his eyes despite the fact that he was facing Stiles head on. “Derek Hale, look at me, please.” 

Derek briefly looked at him, feeling too exposed which was humorous to him considering the fact that he was completely naked and hardly felt exposed like that but looking at Stiles was a different story. 

“I don’t want to just fuck you,” Stiles whispered, closing in the space between them. Derek could feel his warm breath against his neck. It made him want to turn and let Stiles kiss him slowly. “We aren't just two guys who want to get laid. You’re my boyfriend and I’m yours. We fuck when we’ve had long days at work or when we’re so pent up that we just need to feel something but not now, not when you’re finally giving in to what you want. Did you fuck me for my first time?” 

Derek shook his head. He had made love to Stiles, keeping him on the edge of desire for as long as either of them could hold off because he never wanted it to end. It was far from a quick fuck and he knew that. 

“Then, I will not fuck you for yours.” 

Derek closed his eyes, willing himself to speak what he truly wanted, what Stiles knew he wanted but couldn’t put into words again. He didn’t want a cheap fuck that anyone with a cock could give him, Stiles was right about that. If he was going to surrender in such a way, he needed for it to be meaningful and sensual and something he’d never forget. 

“Stiles, I-” 

“Say it, Der. Tell me what you want.” Stiles swiped a finger over the tip of Derek’s cock, spreading the precum and causing him to cry out in pleasure. He wanted gently, reaching for Stiles’ other hand. His inner thighs were trembling in an attempt to hold off his orgasm. 

“S-Stiles,” he whimpered heavily. All of this was payback from the numerous times he teased Stiles until he was quivering with the need to come. “Oh, please. Please, Stiles!” 

“Say it, baby,” he encouraged, touching Derek everywhere except for where he needed him. 

“M-make love to me, Stiles,” he panted, writhing underneath him. “I need you to make love to me.” 

“Like our first time?” 

“Yes,” Derek gasped. “J-just go slow, please?” 

“As slow as you need,” he promised. “Remember how slow you had to go for me?” he laughed softly. 

He could barely get the first inch in before Stiles was almost in tears. Derek tried to pull the pain from his body but there was only so much feeling that could be eradicated. The pressure wasn't going to disappear with the pain. That was something they had to go slow through. 

Stiles had begun to apply the cold lube to his hole, thrusting two fingers in for a few moments. Then, he reached for the condoms they had in the drawer of their nightstand. Derek grabbed his hand before he could reach the packet. 

“No, no condom.” Derek couldn't transmit or receive any diseases and Stiles was clean. He wanted to feel him, not the presences of him under a layer of rubber. 

“You sure?” 

Derek nodded. They had sex without condoms only a few times before and it was only when they were in such a rush to feel each other. Derek knew that the feeling was different without one, more intense and primal. He wanted Stiles to feel that as well.

Stiles spread some lube down his length and looked down at Derek. 

“Do you want to be on top?” he questioned softly, stroking Derek's cheek. Derek was never going to get over how considerate and gentle he was. “You need to be in control, right?” 

Derek shook his head after a few long seconds. “I just need you, Stiles. I don't want to have to think, thinking only brings the memories. I need you to control this,” he pleaded. “I don't want to think about anything but you.” 

“Okay, anything you want. Just know that you’re in complete control here if you need to be. If not, I'll lead, okay? You don't have to think, just relax.” 

Derek closed his eyes. 

“How do you want to start? Like this? Hands and knees?” 

He was thinking and Stiles noticed that it distressed him. He appreciated the choice but it was too much in that moment.

“I-I don’t know,” Derek choked out. Kate always took him from behind like the bitch he was. 

“Shh,” Stiles cooed. “I’ll decide, yeah? That’s what you want?” Derek nodded. 

Stiles didn’t say anything more, just readjusted them so that Derek was on his side, Stiles spooning behind him. Derek could feel his cock nudging against his hole. He gasped slightly, keeping his eyes closed. 

“Just like that,” Stiles whispered in his ear. “It was always easier when you started with me like this.”

Stiles pushed in gentle, just the head but it caused Derek to jolt. 

_ Just him. It was just Stiles.  _

“Just me, I’m right here, not gonna hurt you.” He craned Derek’s neck to kiss him, pulling his attention to his lips rather than the pressure and stretch he was feeling. Derek panted into his mouth, frantically grabbing for Stiles’ hand which rested protectively on his stomach. The pain of Stiles pushing in further was causing Derek to tense up further. Stiles stopped his movement and ran his hand down his side and stopped at his hip. 

“Do you need me to stop?” 

“No!” he gasped roughly. It hurt but he wanted to keep going. It would stop hurting soon enough; he just needed to breathe through it. “I want, I need-” 

“Okay, okay, just take some deep breathes.” Derek nodded, releasing his death grip on Stiles’ hand. “I’ve got you.” 

Stiles inched in further until most of him was in. Derek was taking deep, calming breaths, focusing on Stiles’ scent. He loved his scent more than anything, constantly smelling like cinnamon and apples. If Derek could sit around all day and smell him, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get up again. Stiles was his mate for all intensive purposes even though he was human. 

Derek finally opened his eyes when he felt Stiles trembling just like he was. He had almost forgotten for a moment that this was Stiles’ first time  _ in  _ someone. He just have been holding himself back, desperately wanting to thrust further into the wet heat that clung around his cock. Derek knew the feeling. 

“M-move,” Derek stuttered the demand. He was okay, adjusting to the stretch and burn as he expected. He wanted Stiles to move. The poor man was probably dying for even the smallest movement. “I-I’m good, please move.” 

Stiles let out a strangled gasp and slid the rest of the way in and then pulled out until just the tip remained. He panted, resting his damp forehead against Derek’s back. The slid back in was a mix of pain and pleasure, heavy on the pain. But Derek had done it, he had let someone in; he let Stiles in. 

“Jesus,” Stiles moaned loudly. “You feel so fucking good, Der. Oh my God, I never imagined it feeling this good. Thank you, thank you so much, Derek. For trusting me to see you this way. I know it took a lot.” 

Derek was never sure how Stiles could talk so much during sex. All he could ever do was made noises, sometimes growl if he was too into it to control his shift. Stiles loved it when he shifted. It never frightened him or disturbed him. He liked to touch the blunt press of his claws against his skin, never enough to hurt him or cause him to bleed. Derek had enough control to prevent that.

The line between pleasure and pain blurred at some point after Stiles pumped in and out of him a few more time. It was like a shock of electricity, a jolt that traveled through. There has never been much pleasure just from anal stimulation with Kate. She normally had to touch him, sometimes coax him to get hard. But with Stiles, he didn’t even need to touch himself. He was being lit on fire in such an unbelievably good way. 

“Sti-” he choked, cutting himself off when Stiles hit his prostate and made him see stars. Stiles was gasping and moaning too, looking a little lost in the intense pleasure. It felt good to know he wasn't disappointing him, that he wasn't some dysfunctional man who could only greedily take from others. 

“Y-yeah,” he rasped out. “You okay?” Derek nodded and let out a cry when the tip of Stiles’ cock touched again. His eyes almost rolled back into his head. “I know you don’t want to be in control but I really want to see you ride me. Holy shit, I want to see you so much.” 

Derek went still, not long enough for Stiles to stop but long enough to question his request. He could tell Stiles was rambling off anything that popped into his head, having no control over his speech when he was this deep but Derek was considering it. But then, he looked down at his hands and noticed they way they had ripped straight through the sheets. His claws had extended and Derek had been too overwhelmed to notice. It meant his face had shifted too, filling out with more hair and canines. He didn’t want to hurt Stiles if he couldn’t control his shift. 

He wouldn’t. He needed to trust himself as much as he was trusting Stiles, as much as Stiles was trusting him. Stiles deserved everything good in the world. Derek could give him that, out of everything he ever held back, he could give Stiles what he requested. 

“I want to,” Derek whimpered, trying to get Stiles’ attention. “I want to ride you, Stiles.” 

The man froze behind him and Derek let out a panicked whine. “I-I didn’t mean-” 

“No, I want to. Please, let me.” 

Stiles hesitated but Derek figured the pressure on his cock was far too good to deny himself. He nodded, pulling out of Derek as carefully as possible but Derek wasn’t feeling any pain anymore. He could only feel Stiles, still touching him as if neither of them could let go. He helped Derek straddle his hips, lining his cock back up but letting Derek take control. A long hesitant moment went by before Derek lowered himself onto the hot, rock-hard cock beneath him. 

Stiles must have taken notice of Derek’s wolf features because he reached for his hands, clawed and shaking and placed them on his chest. He almost jerked away, worried that they’d sink into his pale chest but Stiles liked the feeling, he remembered. Stiles didn’t fear Derek like Derek feared himself.

_ Trust yourself. _

Having his hands on Stiles’ chest gave him the leverage he needed to lift himself. They both made inarticulate noises and began to rock into each other again. Derek was used to being on top, obviously, but in this position, it was different. He had control but he could easily hand it back over to Stiles if he needed. However, he wasn’t going to. This was for the both of them, too many years in the making. His memories had haunted him for long enough. 

Only Stiles was ever going to see him like he was. Only he would get to feel Derek convulse around him while he orgasm threatened to obliterate his body. Because Stiles was special. Because Derek loved him, more than anything he ever known. 

“I love you, Stiles,” Derek weeped, slowly reaching the beginning of his orgasm. They were fucking like rabbits now, completely taking each other, both giving the same amount of effort and force, if not trying to beat the other. 

His words caused Stiles’ thrusts to stutter and he looked so shocked, so fucking touched by the words that Derek felt guilty for not having said it earlier. 

“I love you so fucking much,” Derek gasped out each syllable. He had said those words before because they were true but never in bed, never when Stiles uttered them after coming down from his orgasm. He never felt like they’d sound right coming from him in that position. He spent years thinking Stiles deserved better, not someone who was broken. But as they came out of his mouth for the third time, he wished he had said them sooner. 

Stiles gripped his hips, slamming him straight down to the hilt and held him there, letting Derek roll his hips. They were both right there, on the verge of intense, mind-blowing orgasms. Stiles reached for Derek’s cock, about to pump him into oblivion with him but Derek stopped him. 

“I want to come just from you,” he whispered. “Just you, only you.” 

Stiles’ body shuddered violently. “I love you too, Derek. God, I’ve never loved anyone more than you. You’re so good, so perfect for me. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.” 

That was it for both of them. The mix of their thrusts and their sweet words to each other caused them both to let go, giving into their impending orgasms. His vision went black for a moment, seeing fucking galaxies as he came. He collapsed on top of Stiles’ chest, all strength leaving his body along with the white streaks of come. He felt Stiles fall apart inside of him, the warmth of his release spreading throughout his hole. He wrapped his arms around Derek’s pliant body and rocked into him to prolong the blissful feeling. 

By the end of it, they were gasping for air, panting and touching softly. Derek’s body movement was disabled for a while, physically and mentally unable to convince himself to get off of Stiles so he didn’t crush him but then again, Stiles wasn't letting go either. 

“Thank you,” Derek whispered, hardly realizing the words left his mouth until they were already out. 

Stiles chucked, just nodding his head against Derek’s shoulder.

“I never thought I’d do that again.” 

“Are you glad you did?” Stiles asked, sounding unsure. “Was it good for you?”

Derek was slightly baffled considering Stiles had just given him the most earth-shattering untouched orgasm he had ever experienced. How could he possibly question if it was good for Derek?

“Better than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life, Stiles,” Derek muttered, kissing him gently. If either of them could ever breath properly again, he’d kiss him for real. 

“Would you ever want to do it again? With me?” 

Derek knew the answer without much thought. She didn’t control him anymore. He could give himself whatever he desired, whatever he craved because of Stiles. The memories weren’t just going to disappear overnight; that wasn’t how trauma worked but he felt new, almost. Letting Stiles take him in such an intimate way was another step in the right direction so he responded to him the way he wanted. 

“Only you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this is might be shit but it was almost 6000 words so posted it. Hope you liked it:) Drop a comment or kudos if you did, thanks!!


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